Solo

Peter is off in the mountains for four days. It's looking like this is going to be a regular occurance, these "business trips," now that he is working independently and contracting field work with other agencies. He gets to do the cool stuff. The sites that are hours away and long hikes in to beautiful spots. It just doesn't make sense for him to commute home when he is so far out there. Especially when he is racing the frost to get all of his inventory done. He has been wanting to hike on his own for years, and by some miracle his job is now affording him the opportunity for him to do just that. To be all alone on top of the world days at a time. He has needed that.

So it's just me and the kids. On the weekend, it's fine. In some ways it's more simple making decisions on my own. I can justify extravagancies like renting a movie from Blockbuster and buying two slices of pizza for dinner, because we are making the most of things until Papa gets home. When Peter isn't here I can work at night and during naps, use the computer whenever I want to, talk to my friends on the phone more often, watch junk TV. It takes time to connect with a spouse, so now that time is available for myself. But mostly it's lonely and exhausting being a single parent. I feel like I spent all day doing laundry and cleaning (when I wasn't taking Jasper to soccer practice, and going to a birthday party, and watching a movie), and there are more dirty clothes and clutter. There is no one to help with the laundry, or the dishes, or watering the plants. No one to talk to about my day and the funny frustrations. No one to help me go to sleep. Because it seems I can never sleep when Peter isn't here.

I worry most about Monday morning. How am I going to get the kids up, fed, dressed and to daycare in time for me to get to school by 7:45 am? If I am not there at 7:45 am, it could be ugly. No one is in a solid enough routine yet for this to be an obvious sequence of events.

Maybe tomorrow we will skip naps and be in bed by 7 pm...I suppose it doesn't help that we stayed up until 9 pm watching Mary Poppins tonight.