Words

It's been a tough week for the mama ship. A crappy review at work from my principal, report cards due, a nutty class, and what hopefully is just a benign hormonal dip, have all got me down. It was one of those weeks when it seems like I can't do anything right, or even half assed decent. Bad mother. Bad wife. Bad teacher. Bad cook. My hair is a disaster. My clothes are all stained or shrunken. The house is disgusting. I can hardly form a complete thought. Dumps. Then this evening I was talking to my parents who have always been my biggest fans and strongest advocates. They know how to validate better than the parking attendant. They were cheering me on when my mother recounted her visit to the local high school to support a friend whose son is flunking out. She described meeting with a room full of eight teachers and the school counselor, all of whom were concerned for the kid's well being and none of whom had any idea what to do about his situation. My first response was pride in my mom for taking the time once again to help a person in need, and to do so thoughtfully and somewhat aggressively. My second reaction was relief that there were other teachers out there who didn't quite know what to do about a failing student. My third reaction, which came long after the tearful conversation, dinner and dishes, was this: You can't help anyone if you yourself are a wreck. Or, more precisely, I can't help anyone if I am a wreck. If I am drowning in self doubt, pity or loathing, I am useless to myself and everyone around me. Husband, children, family, friends, students. My greatest ambition is to be at least a little bit useful. So buck up. That did it. Cured.

Josie has a few words (but she can talk a blue streak with her babble). Unfortunately, most of them are homonymns or nearly. BaBa = beverage (used to be bottle, but that's on the outs),Ba = bye Mum Mum = food, Dja = Jasper, Pa Pa = Pa Pa, Buu = spoon, Bo = Boat, Bo = book, Bo = binky. Supposedly she is the self declared greeter at school and greets everyone with a wave and "Hi" when they enter, but I haven't seen that in a while here. She will say "Ma," when she wants me, but if you ask her "Where's Ma Ma?" she looks at Peter and says, "Pa Pa!" Or if you ask her to "Give Ma Ma a kiss," she will kiss the nearest person quite affectionately. Secretly, I am kind of proud that she said boat before Ma Ma.