Turbulent Weather

I have been too self absorbed recently even to write about my family. As Peter and I individually and together go back to the drawing board and try to figure out what the hell we want to do with our lives, we have less attention for the kids, who are indisputably doing well.

Josie is talking constantly and articulately. She is bold (borderline obnoxious), assertive, brave ("No monsters in there. Not scary.", and funny. Unfortunately most jokes involve the word "fart" or "poop," or simply insert a random noun before the word "head." Jasper is spending more time on his artwork, expanding his pallet to include colors other than black, drawing countless self portraits that have begun to sprout fingers and ears. He is also learning to read, identifying his name everywhere and starting to sound out simple words with little success, but the desire is there. I try not to take his deep, devoted love for his mama for granted. He is privy to my emotional shifts. (The other day he said, "Mama you always have a happy face, but why now do you always have a serious face?") I can only hope that the happy faces will outweigh the serious faces in the end. They are both healthy, happy, active, good, good, good. I try not to take this for granted.

The other night a friend asked, "How are you?" After thinking for a moment, I had to admit, "I'm about as bad as I have ever been." It took only a second moment to come to the realization that my life is hands-down fabulous. If being laid off is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I've had it pretty damned good.

The same friend then explained the five stages of grief. I am doing "sad" and "angry" pretty solid these days, after only a very brief stint in "denial." But that means that acceptance is around the corner. In the mean time, it's good to embrace the process. And try not to spend too much time writing letters to the editor on the state of public education.